THE RULES OF IVY

I've been accused of odd food quirks, but I'm not elitist, I'll clarify. This is a list of my dislikes which shape my opinions of dining experiences in general. I'll add to it as I think of more things.

DIRT
If the dining area or bathrooms are dirty, I'm outta there. A restaurant owner knows that I can see the dining area and rest room, and those areas are easy to clean. If they're letting me see dirt there, I shudder to think how filthy the kitchen is-- which is difficult to clean properly (hello under the counter coolers!) and they know I can't see in there. UGGGHH. Now I must go barf. I'll be right back.

RUDE STAFF
I can even look past awkward exchanges with a waitress who is trying to be funny, because I don't get everyone's brand of funny, but don't be fucking rude. And contrary to what many people believe, rudeness is not part of a sommalier's job - and no, it doesn't make them seem particularly knowledgeable or intimidate me, it just pisses me off.

HYGIENE AND MANNERS
I can lose my appetite if I see staff putting their fingers in their ears, nostrils, mouth, etc. If you're touching my food, plate, glass, keep your hands clear of your bodily parts... and that includes your hair.

OLD FOOD
Freshness is a major turn on for me, likewise, a turn off would be old wrinkly limes in my otherwise refreshing vodka tonic. I don't do slimy lettuce or fish that smells fishy, you get the idea.

COMMUNAL FOOD
I'd better know you really well if we're going to share a bowl of tortilla chips, but that is where I draw the line. I don't want a bowl of beer nuts anywhere near me. I just picture God knows who might have pawed their hands into that bowl and ponder whether they wash their hands after using the rest room.

GREEN PEPPERS
They are my kryptonite despite the fact that my mom used to proudly serve her stuffed green peppers about once a month and insist that I liked them. I have such a strong reaction to the acrid flavor that it borders on being allergic. Just a fleck of it on a pizza can wreck the whole thing. Why? Because I can taste it! So when I order pizza for delivery I start by saying, "Can you be sure that you clear the area of all green peppers? And clear your mind of green peppers, and clear your hands of all shrapnel of green peppers. Now, here are the toppings I DO want." If some green pepper gets into my omelet and thereby into my mouth, it can ruin my appetite for the entire day.

So I should probably change the name of my blog to IvyEatsEverythingButGreenPeppers... however that's just too damn long and it's not meant to be literal anyway.

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